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Am I having a Quarter-life Crisis?


Who even was that person that said your twenties were supposed to be the best years of your life? Okay, don't get me wrong the next 600 words or so are not going to just be me rambling on about my first world problems and how terrible my life is. I have a fantastic job, a secure and (sometimes) stable family that love me, a group of friends that I can rely on for a good time and my health which, of course is the most important thing. I'm not really talking about the fundamentals in my life but the "What if's" and that little devil on my right shoulder putting all sorts of naughty, uncharacteristically spontaneous ideas in my head that makes me think for a bit - "Oh what a great idea!"


Your twenties are supposed to be the time you're finally finding your feet as a person, your school days are behind you and you can start that long exciting path to career success and a happy marriage. MMMM so simple! I think they forget to tell you about the impossible task of saving enough money to be able to move out (especially if like me, you're trying to do it on your own) which leaves you living at your parents embarrassingly until your late twenties, heck maybe even early thirties until you actually have enough to buy somewhere on your own - and even then it's a poxy shared ownership. "Oh but at least you're on the property ladder" oh just shutup, Claire.
They also leave out the small detail about your circle of friends getting that ever so much smaller...for one reason or another but it leaves you wondering who you can actually trust and rely on and somewhat more sensitive when one of your friends can't make it to a little get together you organised, so you begin to take it personally and, ironically start pushing away said friend. I even start to worry about not having enough friends, which is ridiculous when my whats'app pings off almost every 2 minutes from one group or an other. They also don't tell you how bloody hard it is to find any guy that is remotely respectful, charming, funny and kind and doesn't just want to have 5 minutes of fun following a bloody Tinder conversation! What the bloody hell happened to meeting people in a bar anyway! Speaking of bars, I wonder whether i'm partying too much or too little. Am I drinking too much alcohol? Heck am I even drinking my two litres of water everyday!? And even when you do find that special someone and I might have already, should I be thinking about marriage yet? Why is everyone else already getting married? If I get married too late will it be too late for me to have children? .... Jesus 

This constant cycle of questions and worrying is all too familiar in my life and I wonder how many other people have felt this way? Well, apparently, an article on Glamour stated that 82% of 24-35 year old's have admitted to having a 'crisis' in their best years...how bloody fantastic! With social media and comparisons so easily accessible at our finger tips, we're constantly swiping stories on Instagram, seeing pictures all over Facebook of ultrasounds, the newly engaged, perfectly manicured hands or that absolutely stupid cliche "I just bought my first house, so i'm going to hold the keys and a bottle of cheap Prosecco and awkwardly stand outside the front door" picture. (Not bitter at all). It's proven that the age of 25 has created this new found source of anxiety. Where some have built up businesses instead of going to uni or found fame on YouTube, it leaves others struggling to even get a paid internship once they've got their degree and the idea of even renting a small flat anytime soon is completely out of the question.


This all makes us question our achievements, makes us feel as though we haven't earned them as we haven't 'got lucky' by our tender age of 25. At school, I bet 90% of your class thought that at the age of 25 you'd be settled with the man/woman of your dreams, planning a wedding, a diary that is just bursting from invites from friends to all sorts of exciting plans and a career that can kick Sunday dread out the window? Yeah, me too...

Okay, now my life isn't shit. I've just bought a new car, a new cat and i'm saving to move out hopefully next year. But it's not just about that, millennial's now live in a time where keeping up appearances online to people you haven't seen in 8 years is the daily norm. We are constantly fed bullshit information that if we don't own that Topshop jacket we aren't going to be trendy, if we don't each brunch at the weekends and post a picture of the perfectly formed poached eggs with a side of avocado, then we are inadequate. Marketing has become so dangerous that we spending money more than ever to fulfill our lives because of the constant comparisons and influences we are fed online, it leaves us just wanting more and more. We are never fully satisfied.

I've been reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson (great book by the way, I definitely recommend!) recently and he explains it quite well "Whatever makes us happy today will no longer make us happy tomorrow, because our biology always needs something more. A fixation on happiness inevitably amounts to a never-ending pursuit of 'something else' - a new house, a new relationship, another child, another pay-rise. And despite all of our sweat and strain, we end up feeling eerily similar to how we started: inadequate." 

I'm a prime example, like I say, I've just treated myself to a new car, I have a job that allows me to go out with journalists to the nicest brunch spots and i'm quickly saving up money to buy a flat. But none of that matters...I see proposals, houses, new makeup hauls, clothes hauls, whatever it may be online and I instantly feel not good enough. I need more. I compare and just concentrate on what I haven't got instead of what I have!


So, how do you deal with a mid-twife crisis? This goes full-circle with some of my other recent posts on here...you need to learn to switch off! I've had a massive clear out of friends on social media, because to be honest I don't need to know about half of them and that they recently invested in bitcoins or whatever bullsh*t it might be. I've also learned to literally switch off from social media, i'm a massive victim of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out for those who aren't down with the abbreviations) and I find that saying no to a night out super hard even if I can't be bothered. So, if I choose to say no, I say to myself to not go on social media that evening, so I don't have to see what everyone is getting up to on the night out I turned down. I get lost into a book or film I've been wanting to watch and that way escape into a world that isn't my own! By the morning i'm hangover free and FOMO is myth.

Another thing I need to start doing more often, is calling my friends. Just picking up the phone and having a real conversation with them. The friend you secretly envy online don't post about all the sh*t days at work and anxiety troubles so by calling them it's good to chat about it and realise they might just be feeling exactly the same as you are!

I think everyone deep down goes through this quarter-life weird, confusing crisis as no one really writes or gives you a manual on how to live your life and not knowing where you'll be in a year or 5 year's to come can be a little daunting! Coming into the New Year I've vowed to myself to live each day as it comes and to not put too much pressure on myself to be like the other people I see online...easy said than done but we will see how long that will last! 

Would love to hear if any of you have felt similarly to this! 
Best wishes,
Hannah x

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